Oxford Anniversary

I can hardly believe it's been 4 years as of this month, since the Oxford study abroad trip. I will always cherish the amazing people, crazy adventures and memories that will last me a lifetime. More than anything, the trip ignited a travel bug in me that will never be extinguished. I cannot wait to go back! 

Man's Best Friend

Flashback

Seems like it was just yesterday, I remember sitting in my room watching TV and hearing this tapping sound on the wall in our kitchen. I jumped out of bed and looked into the kitchen where Angel, my black Labrador sleeps. For some reason, this sound didn't resonate as familiar to me. This wasn't my dog scratching her paw and bumping into the wall, this sounded like she was running on the wall. And for a moment, that's what it looked like. Angel was having a seizure, the first one that I had witnessed, although it's probable that this was not the first one she had experienced to date. Having never experienced a seizure first hand from either human or animal, I can safely say it was the most terrifying experience of my life. In a panic, I woke up my mom, we called animal urgent care and they advised us to bring her in. Once she had come out of the seizure, she had stumbled around the kitchen a bit, before doing laps around the backyard and kitchen. The neurological aspect of a seizure becomes pretty clear almost immediately and it's difficult because you don't know what lasting effect it is going to have on an animal. They can't tell you where it hurts or what they are feeling or even what they are thinking. Later that night, after things had settled down a bit, I took Angel to the Vet Urgent Care in Newport Beach as they had suggested I do. Upon arrival, they want to run the full gamut of tests to make sure everything is alright, but at the same time, they prey on your vulnerabilities, rather than put you at ease. After spending $500 to have tests run, everything came back perfectly normal. To leave however, you have to sign a waiver releasing them of liability in which they basically say to your face, "we don't recommend you going home because who knows what could happen during the night, but it's your choice..." I understand that it's a business, but I am already nervous and scared, and right now as a medical professional, I need you to be calm, reassuring and supportive.

Back to Normal 

Fortunately for us (and for Angel) she has an outstanding regular vet, Dr. Pursley of Northwood Animal Hospital. I always feel more comfortable when I speak with her about Angel's condition, probably because the doctor has had dogs with similar issues. But maybe even more so because I feel that there is a genuine level of compassion emanating from her. Something that seemed to be sorely lacking in the emergency room. Since the first seizure, Angel has been on a steady dose of a medicine called, Potassium Bromide. The medicine does a pretty good job of preventing seizures from reoccurring. Her day to day life went back to being the happy, energetic, puppy-like dog I've been accustomed to. There have been bumps in the road however and they are equally as frightening although now we have a little more idea of what to expect. I've witnessed three full convulsing body seizures and one that was the exact opposite. It's a crazy thing, looking at the animal you love and thinking that she is going to die.  Three times I have looked at Angel and thought that she wasn't going to make it and each time she has come back strong and surprised me.

No Time Like the Present 

This year has been without question, the most difficult year for Angel and I. If she could talk, I am certain she would agree. In the beginning of the year Angel abruptly decided that the food she had been eating for the past seven or so years was no longer suitable to her palate. When you get to be a twelve year old dog, it is understandable that your interests may change and so we did our best as owners to accommodate these changes. We have routinely shuffled through food options to keep her appetite satisfied and her energy up. Unfortunately, it hasn't been an entirely smooth process and Angel has lost about ten pounds off of what her ideal weight once was. As we celebrated her thirteenth birthday this past week, it's hard to say that there has been much to celebrate. The seizures appear to have taken more of a toll on her mind and in recent weeks it shows when she tries to walk. Legs just sort of give out on her for no reason and her head will shake through no fault of her own. It is beyond difficult to watch and even write about. In the end, I suppose to resolution will write itself. When your pet has an illness, you do whatever you can to help them because they are as much a part of your family as anyone. I love Angel and will continue to do whatever I can to keep her quality of life the best it can be for however long she has left.

Medicine, Care and Wellness in Society

Although this goes a bit off the main topic of this post, I wanted to close with a small discussion on medicine and care in our society. I have a tremendous level of respect and amazement for how advanced medical care has become in the world we live in. It is certainly hard to imagine living in a world without hospitals, specialists and urgent cares (which many people still do today). Yet I am equally amazed at how we as human beings can put a price tag on lives. Of course we live in a world that is driven by financial figures and bottom lines but it hasn't always been that way and in a perfect world, it wouldn't have to be that way. When Alexander Fleming discovered Penicillin in 1928, he revolutionized modern medicine by giving the world an antibiotic that could save countless lives. Science is phenomenal that way, it can save lives. And while I can't speak for Mr. Fleming, I am certain that he was more concerned with helping people than raking in massive profits off his discovery. We have the technology to save people's lives but only if they can afford it. Angel has had a number of tests run on her, the affordable ones. Hundreds of dollars have been spent, but we can't afford to have the brain scan that would likely have told us if she in fact had a tumor that was causing the seizures. If there was a tumor, we probably could have spent $5000 to have it removed and perhaps her quality of life might have been even better. I understand that the world I daydream about is not a reality. You talk about healthcare for everyone and you're a socialist or a communist. And sure, there are people who are those things, but I'm not. I believe that I'm just like any average person who wants a happy, healthy and comfortable life for myself and everyone in my life. If we have the cure for cancer, AIDS, spinal paralysis, then let's give it to the people. Aren't we better as a society when everyone is functioning and participating to the best of their ability?

Congratulations you've earned a Bachelor's Degree! Now what...?

Haven't we done this already?

The question seems inescapable. I remember the question as it appeared to me after high school when it sounded something like, "You barely made it out of high school, what are you going to do now? Community College? Why don't you join the Coast Guard?" Eventually, that question was answered with, go to college and get a degree. People have always said to me, "you're young, most people don't know what they want to do with their lives at your age, but you'll figure it out...eventually." Now that college has been completed, I find myself staring at the prospect of "now what" all over again.

The Road Here

As a newly minted high school graduate, I had no idea what the next step was going to be. Based on academic performance and desire, the logical choices were: continue at the current job and work your way up the corporate ladder or community college. The community college approach while reasonable on the outside, never seemed to stick post-high school. For the most part what I suffered from was a lack of maturity with a side of focus and drive. Because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I enabled that uncertainty to dictate my decision making process. And while I pushed completion of my education back substantially, I did gain valuable life experience over the years. I learned what I didn't want to do (make minimum wager for the rest of my life) and used that as motivation to break out of the self-induced rut. By 2008, a return to school was on my terms. In four years I learned a great deal at both the community college and university level. You get from education exactly what you put into it and the more you are willing to learn, to expand your mind, the more fulfilling the experience becomes. At least that's the way it worked for me. From engaging professors to thought provoking courses, my educational experience was both memorable and a proud moment for me. Changing from the young adult who felt he didn't have the intelligence to complete community college to holding a Bachelor's Degree in Political Science means more to me than words can express.

Eventually

College is over now and I've got the degree I so coveted, but in turn I have also added some years to my life. I'm not your typical twenty-two year old college grad, I'm twenty-nine. The good news is, I already have a job. In fact I have done some variation of this same job for the last nine years. My early twenties or the "era of indecision" as I've deemed it, cost me certain opportunities to advance the corporate ladder which was option A. While advancing the corporate ladder isn't out of the question at twenty-nine, (I'm currently exploring opportunities to do just that) time is less in my favor. (I'm not old, I know...I just think of it relative to the education and time spent) I have bills to pay (that study abroad trip wasn't free), I'd like to move out, I want to travel the world and each of these requires money. More than I make at present. And the corporate ladder may take some time to get me to a point where I can become somewhat comfortable (financially). My other option has been to look externally for opportunities based on my work experience and the shiny new degree. Here I've run into a few more problems. For one, finding a job is full time work in itself. Browsing listings, filling out applications, tailoring yourself to meet the needs of a potential employer is all time consuming. Second, while having a bachelor's degree puts me a step ahead of some, I've dropped myself into a pool that is full of eager and determined applicants swimming around like sharks after fresh blood. In the competitive world of today, with the world economies still looking to recover, jobs are available but hard to come by. And that person who has more work experience than you or a master's degree is going to win out. I have found that it is tough to get a foot in the door and even more difficult to get a seat at the table.  All things considered though, life is heading in the right direction. One can easily become cynical with the process when it doesn't immediately generate the results you hope for. I can attest to having fallen victim to this a number of times. But I trust that things will work out and have confidence in my abilities and the investments I have made in myself. When the time is right and the opportunity presents itself, I will tackle the challenge and then be ready for the next "now what".

Mission accomplished. 

A Lifetime of Goals, Ambitions and Aspirations

On the advice of one of my favorite people in the world, Leilani, I decided to put together a list of goals, ambitions and aspirations. My hope is that I can accomplish each and every one of the tasks on here and that I will keep adding things to the list as I check others off. The goals range from small and realistic to the more challenging and optimistic. Here goes!


1. Be awesome
2. Go to Hawaii for Sean’s wedding
3. Graduate from UCI with at least a 3.0  2.9 and change
4. Drink the old bottle of beer
5. Score at least 1 goal a season in my soccer league
6. Visit family in NorCal during the summer
7. Go to at least one Giants game at AT and T Park
8. Go to 5 Angels games
9. Run three days a week
10. Complete a tough running challenge (Urbanathalon, Tough Mudder, etc…)
11. Attend Randi’s wedding
12. Spend 2-3 weeks in Europe
13. Visit the Bodels in Oxford
14. Get into an internship!
15. Take another psychology class
16. Learn to play the piano
17. Go hiking
18. Trail running
19. Find a career that I love
20. Cook more often (besides just pasta dishes)
21. Blog more
22. Finish The Girl Who Played With Fire
23. Read The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest
24. Finish other books still needing to be read
25. Finish the last half of the final season of Prison Break
26. Put on some muscle, somehow, someway
27. Improve snowboarding skills: carving!
28. Learn how to dance respectably
29. See a Chiefs game in Kansas City
30. Attend Mardi Gras with the bro
31. Take a cross country road trip with a/some friends
32. Live in at least one big U.S. city
33. Take a ride on the Rocky Mountaineer through Canada
34. Visit or live in: Chicago, Boston, New York (again)
35. Visit all 30 baseball stadiums (10 down so far…)
36. Go snowboarding in another state
37. Live in at least two European countries
38. Live in Canada
39. Learn some French
40. Drive on the autobahn
41. Snowboard the Alps
42. Ride the Orient Express
43. 50 countries by the time I’m 50
44. Go to a multi-day concert: i.e. Stagecoach, Lollapalooza
45. Volunteer: build a house, plant trees, etc…
46. Meet a girl, fall in love
47. Get married
48. Have kids
49. Buy a new car
50. Buy a house
51. Stay active, no matter what
52. Call someone a “young whippersnapper” when I’m old
53. Be awesome

Additions:

- Watch all four major tennis tournaments in person. (Australian Open, French Open, Wimbledon, U.S. Open)
- Complete a tough man style competition, i.e. Tough Mudder, UK Tough Guy
- Visit Amarillo by morning.

Beyond Potential

For quite some time now, I had been floating the idea of writing a blog that was tentatively set to be called, "Moving Beyond Mediocrity". The basis of the subject was rooted in my thoughts surrounding a smaller percentage of people who sought greatness for themselves, versus the larger population that just wanted to live a comfortable, happy and healthy life. Today though, I was inspired to move this blog post in a different direction and write about the notion of potential.

Potential is a concept that many of us are without a doubt, very familiar with. It is something that each individual has heaped upon them from the day they are born. Our parents dream of the potential we might be able to achieve as we grow into adulthood. For some, it is becoming a doctor, lawyer, firefighter, or even the President of the United States. But this potential doesn't stop with our parents and family members. It shifts to our school teachers who judge our intelligence and learning capacities. To our employers who determine whether we are fit to seek that coveted promotion or raise. External potential though, is just one of many motivating forces. Perhaps the greatest emphasis on potential is that which we place upon ourselves. What is it that we do with all of this potential to be something or someone special? Do we use it as motivation to get the best education, the best job, and live the lives so many people dreamed we would? Or do we squander that potential, live a life below our capacities and never really reach the greatness within?

This question of potential is one that I see constantly surrounding me in friends, family and in myself. Most of these individuals inspire me with their desire to fulfill and exceed their potential. Whether it be my brother with his amazing wife, kids, job and home or a former classmate who travels the globe after maximizing his education potential. People like my friend James, who follows his free spirit and immerses himself within new cultures and countries. Or my friend from Oxford whose drive to become a model has taken her from the U.S. to China, Mexico and more. Each of these individuals and so many more inspire me everyday to work towards reaching my potential. And let's face it, that's not something I have lived up to so far.

This year I will be 29 years old, one shy of the big 3-0. I have two quarters or twenty weeks left to complete my bachelor's degree which has been 10 years in the making. With a lot of hard work and some luck, I will be able to take a step forward in fulfilling my potential whatever that ultimately may be. Since elementary school that potential has waned. I was always the kid who could get good grades if I was willing to apply myself. My grades began to decline in middle school and worsened in high school. Despite not being a delinquent, a drug user, or anything of that nature, I barely made it through high school. I was less prepared for community college and it wasn't until 2008 that I decided it was time for a change. Now, I do alright for myself, I pass my classes with some A's and a number of B's. But here again that tricky word potential comes around and tells me that I could be getting straight A's if I really applied myself. A career, if I applied myself.

Now I have decided that this is the year that I'm going to start living up to the potential and applying myself. Not because it is 2012 or because it is some sort of half hearted New Year's resolution. No, this is the year that I'm going to put my foot forward because it's time. Time to reach for the stars, time to be something more than mediocre, time to be an adult. I have said before that this is going to be a big year and I meant it. There are a tremendous amount of goals and items I have placed on my plate for this year and I intend to meet every one. I am moving beyond potential.

Unapologetic

Wow, has it really been six months since I last posted a blog entry? School and work have seriously consumed far too much of my free time. I've been meaning to blog for some time now and this entry popped into my mind when I should be doing important things like sleeping. But oh well, there's always time for that later.

I'll start this blog by taking a quote from Popeye...you know, the sailor man. He said: "I yam what I yam" or in my case, I am who I am. This has never been more apparent to me than over the past few years and has really been been reinforced of late. I truly believe that over the past several years, with age I have been able to develop a greater sense of personal identity. I know who I am, what I like and I am comfortable with the fact that it may not always be the norm.

Reading that last bit over sounds a bit bad. So let me try to explain. This past Friday, I went with a co-worker and her friend to a concert in Los Angeles to see Sara Bareilles. And sure, there were guys at this concert (in fact, more than I had expected) but undoubtedly, many were probably dragged alongside their girlfriends. Me, I volunteered to go because I like Sara. I enjoy her music, think she has an amazing voice and as I found out, is a pretty damn entertaining performer. Sure, it's not the norm, but that's me. That's who I am. I'm the guy who you're just as likely to find at the Kelly Clarkson concert as you are to find at Kroq's Acoustic Christmas. The scope of my tastes are broad and that is something I take a great deal of pride in. Diversity is important to have in all aspects of your life. It's what helps us interact with a wide range of people, which is especially important as our society becomes more and more reliant upon social media and less on face to face interaction.

Looking back on my last serious relationship, in what now seems like an eternity ago, I realize how much I have grown as a person. I knew what I wanted and most importantly I knew what I didn't want. Far too many people in this world settle for "good enough" and I promised myself I would never do that. I don't want "good enough" I want what makes me happy, no matter who likes or dislikes it. This year, I got back into the dating game, something I had steadfastly avoided for the most part while I have been putting myself through college. After an awful and bizarre date with a girl I met a couple months back I had another realization. I won't ever pretend to be someone I'm not. I care about people's well being and I am not an asshole. I'm simply getting too old to pretend I care about getting drunk and dancing at a bar or club. Those just aren't me. To pull a quote from my favorite show, How I Met Your Mother, "I suck at dating." I'm much better in a relationship, in the comfortable situation without all the bullshit. I don't want to play games and frankly, I don't even really understand them. Why do I have to wait 3 days to call a woman? That's not how I operate.

So here's my plan. I'm going to continue being me. No apologies, no regrets. Just be awesome. I'll be that guy who asks questions you don't ask on dates. Who talks about the things you don't talk about. The guy who calls in 1 or 2 days, not because I'm desperate, but because I like the person. And if you like someone, why do you have to play a game? Why can't you just be who you are? That's all I want to do, I want to be me. Yes, I will keep listening to pop music and if I can find a friend to go with me, I will keep going to pop concerts. (For the record, I would go see 2pac if he was still alive, my tastes extend much further than pop music alone).

To steal one more line (yes, I like lines that other people have used, they are good lines) from the film Friends with Benefits (a RomCom? see above if you weren't listening) it went something like this: "Life is so short and if (dealing with hardships) has taught me anything, it's that you have to enjoy every moment. And if you meet someone special, do everything possible to make sure that they don't get away."

Here's to no apologies and holding out hope that I meet a nice English girl.

Cheers

- B

Breaking Down?

I really wanted to start this blog off, "It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in..." but sadly, it's not Saturday, I'm not at a bar and possibly most disheartening of all, I am not the Piano Man.

Instead, I'll start off a different way. It's 10am, I'm in beautiful Newport Beach, a part of sunny Southern California and yet, there is a slight rain coming down in the middle of June. Perhaps more exciting, is the fact that I am sitting in the office of a urologist for the second time in less than a month. Near me, are two older gentleman, of which I'd guess they are at least over 60. I spot a magazine on the table that says "Switzerland" on it which immediately piques my interest. My love affair for all things Europe started in 2009, and I practically jump at anything I find even remotely related. I grab a seat by the door and patiently wait my turn. A nurse opens the door and in what seemed like yelling to me, calls for one of the two gentleman sitting in the room with me. I realize that the nurses are probably used to hard of hearing clientele and so choose to speak louder. Once the man walks buy, I quickly shuffle over a few seats and continue reading. I suppose the question that bears asking is, why am I, at 28 years old, seeing a urologist for the second time and hanging out with the senior circuit? The answer: kidney stones. Not long before my 28th birthday, I woke on a Saturday morning to a sharp pain in my side and back. After a quick trip to the emergency room, it was confirmed that I had 6 kidney stones! Three of these stones were likely to pass soon and the others could move their way down at any point. I spent the entire weekend in bed, missing out on a 5k run that I had been looking forward to participating in with co-workers and friends. Better yet, I had midterms coming up later that week that I was supposed to be studying for, but I had little desire to do so. So the kidney stones necessitated a visit to the urologist on two separate occasions to tell me where I stood on the stone front and what I could do to prevent them from visiting me again. As it turns out, not all that much was needed to be done. In fact, the doctor told me I could Google some of the things he was giving me, in the event that I wanted to look up some preventative treatment potentials.

Sitting in that office with the over 60 crowd (and hearing the word "catheter" which made me shiver) I got to thinking about how I came to find myself in this situation. People have been telling me I'm young for so long, it just seems funny to me. And I'll admit, 28 is by no means old. But after battling kidney stones (something another doctor mentioned that he thought was just for old farts like himself) and my recent battle with gastroenteritis (stomach flu), I really started to re-evaluate my age. As a kid, people used to tell me how great my hair was and my mom loved it when I was 6 years old and had long hair. Even though I stopped using hair gel about a year or so ago, full time, my scalp bothers me like I've spent a lifetime drying it out. So what the hell is going on? I'm not old right? What gives? What's with all of the ailments? It reminds me of the episode of Friends, where the entire group relives their 30th birthday. All the while Joey acts cool, like everything will be fine, until he turns 30 and he's crying and pleading, saying that he made a deal (with god, I presume) to let the others grow old and not him. I don't think I'm there yet, but it is certainly around the corner, the big 3-0. Am I ready for it? Getting old?

In fact, ironically enough, this all comes around the same time that we received word that our 10 year high school reunion was coming up this fall. 10 years? Has it been that long already? What have I done with my life in the 10 years since high school? Sure I moved out for a minute, had a long relationship that seems like an eternity ago, studied abroad in Europe and am finally getting my bachelor's degree. But there are people out there, people I know that have kids (multiple kids!) and are married and who live in different places in the country and the world. I guess this is just one of those points in life, where you start looking around and saying, "What have I done so far with the past 10 years and what do I want to do with the next 10?" For me, I know that answer is a lot of things. My ailments are minor (as a friend with a more serious illness pointed out) and I know that great things are ahead of me. But reflection is a good thing and sometimes we forget to look at those minor accomplishments and realize, in our own lives, they're actually pretty major.

I'm not old, but sometimes it sure feels that way.