Unapologetic

Wow, has it really been six months since I last posted a blog entry? School and work have seriously consumed far too much of my free time. I've been meaning to blog for some time now and this entry popped into my mind when I should be doing important things like sleeping. But oh well, there's always time for that later.

I'll start this blog by taking a quote from Popeye...you know, the sailor man. He said: "I yam what I yam" or in my case, I am who I am. This has never been more apparent to me than over the past few years and has really been been reinforced of late. I truly believe that over the past several years, with age I have been able to develop a greater sense of personal identity. I know who I am, what I like and I am comfortable with the fact that it may not always be the norm.

Reading that last bit over sounds a bit bad. So let me try to explain. This past Friday, I went with a co-worker and her friend to a concert in Los Angeles to see Sara Bareilles. And sure, there were guys at this concert (in fact, more than I had expected) but undoubtedly, many were probably dragged alongside their girlfriends. Me, I volunteered to go because I like Sara. I enjoy her music, think she has an amazing voice and as I found out, is a pretty damn entertaining performer. Sure, it's not the norm, but that's me. That's who I am. I'm the guy who you're just as likely to find at the Kelly Clarkson concert as you are to find at Kroq's Acoustic Christmas. The scope of my tastes are broad and that is something I take a great deal of pride in. Diversity is important to have in all aspects of your life. It's what helps us interact with a wide range of people, which is especially important as our society becomes more and more reliant upon social media and less on face to face interaction.

Looking back on my last serious relationship, in what now seems like an eternity ago, I realize how much I have grown as a person. I knew what I wanted and most importantly I knew what I didn't want. Far too many people in this world settle for "good enough" and I promised myself I would never do that. I don't want "good enough" I want what makes me happy, no matter who likes or dislikes it. This year, I got back into the dating game, something I had steadfastly avoided for the most part while I have been putting myself through college. After an awful and bizarre date with a girl I met a couple months back I had another realization. I won't ever pretend to be someone I'm not. I care about people's well being and I am not an asshole. I'm simply getting too old to pretend I care about getting drunk and dancing at a bar or club. Those just aren't me. To pull a quote from my favorite show, How I Met Your Mother, "I suck at dating." I'm much better in a relationship, in the comfortable situation without all the bullshit. I don't want to play games and frankly, I don't even really understand them. Why do I have to wait 3 days to call a woman? That's not how I operate.

So here's my plan. I'm going to continue being me. No apologies, no regrets. Just be awesome. I'll be that guy who asks questions you don't ask on dates. Who talks about the things you don't talk about. The guy who calls in 1 or 2 days, not because I'm desperate, but because I like the person. And if you like someone, why do you have to play a game? Why can't you just be who you are? That's all I want to do, I want to be me. Yes, I will keep listening to pop music and if I can find a friend to go with me, I will keep going to pop concerts. (For the record, I would go see 2pac if he was still alive, my tastes extend much further than pop music alone).

To steal one more line (yes, I like lines that other people have used, they are good lines) from the film Friends with Benefits (a RomCom? see above if you weren't listening) it went something like this: "Life is so short and if (dealing with hardships) has taught me anything, it's that you have to enjoy every moment. And if you meet someone special, do everything possible to make sure that they don't get away."

Here's to no apologies and holding out hope that I meet a nice English girl.

Cheers

- B

Breaking Down?

I really wanted to start this blog off, "It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in..." but sadly, it's not Saturday, I'm not at a bar and possibly most disheartening of all, I am not the Piano Man.

Instead, I'll start off a different way. It's 10am, I'm in beautiful Newport Beach, a part of sunny Southern California and yet, there is a slight rain coming down in the middle of June. Perhaps more exciting, is the fact that I am sitting in the office of a urologist for the second time in less than a month. Near me, are two older gentleman, of which I'd guess they are at least over 60. I spot a magazine on the table that says "Switzerland" on it which immediately piques my interest. My love affair for all things Europe started in 2009, and I practically jump at anything I find even remotely related. I grab a seat by the door and patiently wait my turn. A nurse opens the door and in what seemed like yelling to me, calls for one of the two gentleman sitting in the room with me. I realize that the nurses are probably used to hard of hearing clientele and so choose to speak louder. Once the man walks buy, I quickly shuffle over a few seats and continue reading. I suppose the question that bears asking is, why am I, at 28 years old, seeing a urologist for the second time and hanging out with the senior circuit? The answer: kidney stones. Not long before my 28th birthday, I woke on a Saturday morning to a sharp pain in my side and back. After a quick trip to the emergency room, it was confirmed that I had 6 kidney stones! Three of these stones were likely to pass soon and the others could move their way down at any point. I spent the entire weekend in bed, missing out on a 5k run that I had been looking forward to participating in with co-workers and friends. Better yet, I had midterms coming up later that week that I was supposed to be studying for, but I had little desire to do so. So the kidney stones necessitated a visit to the urologist on two separate occasions to tell me where I stood on the stone front and what I could do to prevent them from visiting me again. As it turns out, not all that much was needed to be done. In fact, the doctor told me I could Google some of the things he was giving me, in the event that I wanted to look up some preventative treatment potentials.

Sitting in that office with the over 60 crowd (and hearing the word "catheter" which made me shiver) I got to thinking about how I came to find myself in this situation. People have been telling me I'm young for so long, it just seems funny to me. And I'll admit, 28 is by no means old. But after battling kidney stones (something another doctor mentioned that he thought was just for old farts like himself) and my recent battle with gastroenteritis (stomach flu), I really started to re-evaluate my age. As a kid, people used to tell me how great my hair was and my mom loved it when I was 6 years old and had long hair. Even though I stopped using hair gel about a year or so ago, full time, my scalp bothers me like I've spent a lifetime drying it out. So what the hell is going on? I'm not old right? What gives? What's with all of the ailments? It reminds me of the episode of Friends, where the entire group relives their 30th birthday. All the while Joey acts cool, like everything will be fine, until he turns 30 and he's crying and pleading, saying that he made a deal (with god, I presume) to let the others grow old and not him. I don't think I'm there yet, but it is certainly around the corner, the big 3-0. Am I ready for it? Getting old?

In fact, ironically enough, this all comes around the same time that we received word that our 10 year high school reunion was coming up this fall. 10 years? Has it been that long already? What have I done with my life in the 10 years since high school? Sure I moved out for a minute, had a long relationship that seems like an eternity ago, studied abroad in Europe and am finally getting my bachelor's degree. But there are people out there, people I know that have kids (multiple kids!) and are married and who live in different places in the country and the world. I guess this is just one of those points in life, where you start looking around and saying, "What have I done so far with the past 10 years and what do I want to do with the next 10?" For me, I know that answer is a lot of things. My ailments are minor (as a friend with a more serious illness pointed out) and I know that great things are ahead of me. But reflection is a good thing and sometimes we forget to look at those minor accomplishments and realize, in our own lives, they're actually pretty major.

I'm not old, but sometimes it sure feels that way.

A Remarkable Journey

Two years ago today, I boarded a plane for London, the first stop on my Oxford study abroad trip. An adventure that would span ten weeks, nine countries and provide me with an array of amazing memories. I met some tremendously interesting and entertaining people, some of whom I am fortunate enough to still be in contact with today. To borrow the words of a fellow classmate, this was a trip that changed my life forever.

But how did I get here?

After spending several years attending Irvine Valley College with little consistency, I made the decision to pursue school seriously in 2008. Easing back in to the college life, I took only two classes in the Spring of '08. However, I quickly realized that if I wanted to make up for lost time, I needed to enroll in full time coursework. Frustrated by a lack of quality English teachers at Irvine Valley College and searching for alternative science classes to Biology, I enrolled concurrently at Saddleback College in the Fall of 2008. Though I knew I wanted to take a full schedule of classes, I was unsure about my working life at the time and was only able to officially register for one class. To add the other four classes, I needed to go to each class and petition for admission. I found an English professor that was highly rated online and hoped to get into that class, my first at Saddleback. Our professor informed the class that she would only be able to add four people and there were eight people hoping to enroll in the class. Each student was instructed to pick a number from a hat and only the lowest numbers would be added. To my surprise, the first four people drew the four highest numbers and were not admitted to the class. I was fortunate to be admitted without having to draw. My luck would continue as I was easily able to enroll in Anthropology and its lab as well as Economics. On a walk through campus, I came across a sign that read: "Oxford Study Abroad." On a whim, I decided to email the professor running the program for more information. She invited me to an information session where she explained the different aspects of the program. Immediately I was sold. I knew I wanted to take this trip, I just needed to figure out how I was going to make it work.

Shortly thereafter I reached out to friends and family for support. My boss was generous enough to provide me with one of the letters of recommendation needed for the trip and my best friend co-signed for my loan. By the time Spring rolled around, I could barely contain my enthusiasm. The eight weeks of classes flew by and before I knew it, I was packing for the trip. Prior to departure, I met with many of my fellow travelers and we planned a trip to Dublin. I was thrilled to meet others who were as genuinely as excited as I was and looking to experience as much of Europe as possible.

On the day of the trip, I was dropped off at LAX, prepared to embark on what has been my longest solo flight to date. I had only been out of the country once and I was eleven at the time. So much had changed in those fifteen years, but I was ready for whatever lay ahead. Although I have always been a person who thrives amongst his friends, I was finally doing something alone, a big something and I couldn't be more excited. There were no expectations, no ideas for what the next ten weeks had in store for me, but that didn't matter...it was all about the journey.

And now...

Almost daily I find myself reminiscing about the trip, from magazines I read to the classes I take, it seems like there's something that is always bringing me back to Oxford. And even though I know it would never be the same, I wish that we could go back and experience it all over again. My classmate was right, this trip certainly changed my life, so much so that I'm strongly considering the prospect of moving to London after graduation in 2012.

Cheers Oxford, I'll see you in 2012!

The Smell of Christmas

I've always found it fascinating the way our minds can tie certain smells and sights into particular memories. Even instances in which we can't recall the entire memory, our minds still take us back to that time and in many cases, we remember it fondly. One of the most prominent smells that my mind coincides with a particular memory is that of Christmas.

Several days ago, I was on a walk with my dog Angel in the evening. While it's true we don't have too many "winter" qualities in Southern California, it does get fairly chilly in the evenings and on occasion families will have a fire burning. I've never been sure if there is a particular firewood that gives off the smell I associate with Christmas, but it is very distinct. During the walk, as the smell wafted through my nose, I was immediately transported back to my grandparent's house in Pasadena. For Christmas, my small, but close-knit family would come together with grandma and grandpa and celebrate with food and gifts. Presents under the little fake Christmas tree, cookies and milk at the table waiting for Santa to arrive marked just a few of the memories that popped into my head. I can remember as if it were yesterday, walking through the Pasadena neighborhood with distinct smell of fireplaces burning and thinking, "this is Christmas".

More than anything, I suppose, it's the association of sights and smells with good times. The smell of pumpkin pie brings me back to Thanksgiving and helping my grandma make pies from scratch. A candy apple, reminds me of Halloween, when my friend went back to the same house twice, in different baseball jerseys to get additional apples. Or the roar of an engine and the looks my grandpa and I used to get pulling up alongside another car in his Ferrari converted from a Datsun. Good smells, good memories, good times.

Goals For 2011

I decided to put together a list of goals and accomplishments I hope to achieve over the course of the New Year. Some are easy and require little effort, while others are of a more challenging nature. I look forward to crossing them all out by the end of the year. Here's to a healthy, prosperous and awesome New Year!

- Continue weight training program; add muscle and cut fat.
- Cook more food, continue to eat healthy and minimize cheat meals.
- Run at least four, 5k races.
- Pass all classes while maintaining a GPA of 3.00 or higher.
- Get involved with at least one club, group or organization on campus.
- Attend campus events (i.e. sports, special events or other social functions)
- Determine a major focus and start thinking about possible career aspirations after graduation.
- Get a new cell phone.
- Date.
- Put any spare money aside for Europe 2012.
- Pay down debt in whatever way possible.
- Visit family at least twice.

The list seems short to me, so if more ideas come up, they will be added.